Whether your aging parents live with you, or you live near
each other, it’s no secret that our lives change drastically as we get older.
The transition from your middle-aged years to your senior years can be a
difficult one, because this phase of life is often accompanied by changes in
independence, changes in mobility and ability, and a new set of health
concerns.
We always recommend showing empathy and
compassion to your aging parents, even in those moments when they
frustrate you. Getting older isn’t easy, and as their child they will
undoubtedly lean on you more and more as they age. Here are some of the most
common things people say to their aging parents that we recommend you avoid,
including our advice on how to approach the situation in a kinder way.
“You Always Tell Me the Same Story!”
We’re all guilty of repeating our favorite stories every
once in a while, and sometimes older adults forget that they’ve already shared
something. But when you say “You’ve already told me this,” what your parent
hears is that you don’t care enough to listen to them. It may be one of their
favorite memories or they might have forgotten that they’ve shared it with you
before. Either way, dismissing them and shutting them down is not the
recommended response.
Instead, ask them a few leading questions in an attempt to
get them to share a new memory with you. Stick to positive questions and happy
memories, and tell your parent that you appreciate them sharing something new
with you. You might even want to record these memories so you’ll have these
special moments to look back on forever.
“You Shouldn’t Live Alone Anymore.”
Seniors are extremely wary of losing their independence.
Unfortunately the cliches and fears
about assisted living communities are still very prevalent, and aging
parents are known to be stubborn when it comes time to discuss alternative living
arrangements. When you say “You shouldn’t live alone anymore”, what your
parent hears is that they’re about to lose their independence. It’s no wonder
that senior adults protest these conversations.
Rather than tell them you don’t want them to live alone
anymore, we recommend framing the conversation as: “I’m concerned something
might happen to you, or you might need help when I’m not around.” If your
parent isn’t interested in visiting a modern, activie assisted living
community, remember that assisted living is not the only choice. You and your
parents can work together to create a support network of people who can
regularly check in on your parents, or you may want to invest in a certified home health aide to
come to their home several days a week. Security alert systems are also popular
with older adults who live alone, but discuss all the options with your parents
and see how they feel.
“You’re Too Old to Drive.”
Losing
the ability to drive is a big part of losing independence, especially
if your parents don’t have access to public transportation. When adult children
try to have this conversation with their aging parents, they’re often met with
protests, and their parents will insist that they are perfectly fine to drive.
However, the reality is that driving can be dangerous for seniors with certain
mobility restrictions, certain health conditions, or who are on certain
medications.
We recommend seeking advice from your parents’ physician,
because hearing it from a professional can often have a different effect than
hearing it from your child. Doctors and physical therapists are prepared to
have this conversation and can help your aging parents understand the serious
consequences of driving when they no longer should.
If you have any questions about how to best help your aging
parents, or if you’d like more information about our senior
living communities in NJ, please contact our team at UMC today: https://umcommunities.org
This blog was originally published at https://umcommunities.org/blog/aging-parents/
No comments:
Post a Comment